The Wall and Beyond

Sunday I was struggling. Barely into week two and I had hit a wall of doubt. But, like the Kool-Aid dude I crashed through it.

How? Well, first I whined all over the digital-verse, because venting is therapeutic; next I re-read parts of my story - for some reason that tends to get my groove back on - my characters pump me up; and then I did what you have to do: I sat in front of my computer and forced my fingers to type words. The more I typed, the easier it got.

Are they any good? Is my story better for them? No doubt at least a few of them are keepers, but I can't let myself obsess about that right now. I have a goal to meet. I can't let those tendrils of self-doubt (this is fluff, you know you're just typing these words to meet your word count, this part of the story is unnecessary)...yeah, those - well I just don't have time to let them hold me back.

And I'm glad I didn't. Yesterday was an awesome day. I hit a part of my story where I was weaving in a visit to my MC by someone I met in the RW (real world), well a fictionalized version of her. She is a dynamic person, and she was getting the kids psyched about math. A double bonus. (well, if you like math puzzles that don't involve calculus) The point is, it was a fun part of the story to work with, and the words just came to me. They probably aren't all brilliant either, but I enjoyed the process - and that's the whole point of being a writer - isn't it?

I mean if you're writing just for the big bucks - I'd say you're living a pipe dream. But if you're writing because you enjoy the process - you know, overall - because you love bringing characters and their worlds to life; well then days like this are like Hannukah/Christmas.

I'm feeling that the wheels of writing are a little stickier today, but have overcome that first wall; I have the confidence that I can crush the road blocks in my future. I know they are out there, waiting to pop up. But I also know I have the equipment to knock them down. If I have any doubts, I'll just come back and re-read this post!

Best of luck to those of you who are writing. May the wrecking ball of perseverance hover in the ready over your shoulder.

The Week Two Blues

I'd heard about the week two blues: when many NaNo writers hit a wall in their writing. In the pre-nano days (October) I was cocky and thought, "Well, not me. I'll just keep plugging along. I'm sure I can BS my way through the wall.

Week one: I started writing and had quickly started to worry that I only had 7,000 words worth of ideas planned out. I wasn't even going to make it through week one! The worrying slowed me down for a day and a half before I scolded myself, and kicked the 'inner editor' out of my head. "Just write, stop fretting about a problem you haven't even gotten to...yet."

I've made it 613 words shy of 15,000. Look at me, double where I thought for sure I'd die off. Only...only...

I had planned out 8 markers or major stepping stones for my story. I've tackled four of them, which if you're into numbers and averages means I 'should be' halfway through my word count. But, I'm 10,000 words short of that. This wouldn't be a problem in and of itself - I mean, it was arbitrary to say that my story had to be at the halfway word count just because I've tackled half the markers - the problem is that I don't think I have a whole lot to say on the next four - certainly not 35,000 words worth. Is this the word desert I feared?

I'm finding myself looking over the chasm and panicking. A meltdown is lurking just around the corner. How can this be happening to me? I knew it was ordained to occur...but my pre-nano self had said with confidence, "I will persevere, I know that I will just have to force myself to sit in front of the computer and type - type until it starts making sense again." That pre-NaNo self was self assured. Who told her she could skip out on me?

But, like any desert, it appears empty, desolate, void of life, until you enter it and start looking around.
So, now that I've shared my 'fear' with someone (Thanks!) I'm off to engage in a stare off with my word processor. I will cross this desert, and I know that once I start walking I'll find an oasis or two, along the way. I just...have...to...keep...going.

May you too survive the week two blues!